AM DONE DONE DONE. I am now done with college (except for graduation) forever oh thank god.

Currently drinking and watching The Namesake with K in the living room.

Oh god I am finally #*$&#*^@!^# DONE.

In ~ 4 hours, I plan on getting very drunk. And possibly watching the rest of UK QaF season 1, also while drunk.

Am just saying.

DEAR GOD I WANT TO BE #*$^##$^#$ DONE. I'm so close I can almost taste it.

Currently trying not to freak out because I've had a fever + stomach pain since Monday, and I'm now paranoid that I have appendicitis, which would be fine, except I only have two more days to do my three finals.

It's kind of endearing to see three Mawrtyrs passed out asleep on the couches in Guild, the computing center. Come a certain point in finals, and people will be asleep on the floor underneath the computer desks too. One of the women in my Latin class was saying yesterday that she hadn't slept in her bed for the last three days - she'd been sleeping on the couch and the floor in Guild.

It just makes me really happy to be around other people who are up equally late, and who also have work that's due very soon and who want sleep but need to get their work done and are thus drinking mass quantities of coffee and Red Bull.

ETA: Well, I redact part of my earlier statement. A looks like death, just said that she hasn't slept in two days, and has a project due in less than three hours. I wish she was in bed, at least.

I flipping hate Wordpress at the moment. Mind you, this is just because I am not yet a master at html, having relied on livejournal for the last 5 years, but still.

Dear god is it ever annoying. I have to make a blog on the labor movement with a group in my Soc class, and I probably know the most about html out of the people in my group, but I pale in comparison to some of the others in our class.

It's really weird to be on nytimes.com, and read an article about how global food prices are rising drastically and many countries are facing food riots, and then go on to read an article about people renting $300k homes, and another article about how newer and pricer toothbrushes have thicker handles that don't fit into traditional toothbrush holders, and how this is oh so inconvenient for home owners.

There's such a divide between the rich and the poor, and it keeps growing. Sometimes I'm really afraid of what the world will look like 50 years from now.

Every time I see the Red Bull van on campus, delivering cases of Red Bull to the two cafes, I feel an immediate wave of love towards the delivery people. Oh Red Bull, how I love you, and everyone who facilitates my access to you. Whoever invented you should be given a medal.

Also, tonight E was drunk and K cut her hair, although she couldn't finish the job because E was drunk enough that she was at times a) nauseated b) pale and c) really just wanted to go to sleep. Despite being only half finished, it looked really good, though. More than half of Batten wandered in for at least part of this, which was fun.

ETA: 2 3 Red Bulls + The Shins song "Australia" on repeat + reading about social movements of the 1960's = I feel like I'm flying.

Batten has an ant problem, and we've been wiping our counters down with a mix of vinegar and water, but they still won't go away. I think I also have them living in my bag, given that I haven't cleaned it out for ages and I have old raisins and broken bits of peppermint candy at the bottom of it. I put my bag down on my towel this morning, and when I picked it up there were at least five ants crawling around on my towel.

I'm trying not to freak out, but ants in large quantities make my skin crawl. The exterminator actually came by today for his monthly visit, but he didn't put out poison because other Battenites are firmly on the side of "deter, don't kill". This is fair enough, given that they aren't harmful to us, and they have a right to live too...but oh god they freak me out to no end.

I was talking to J and K in the living room and trying not to freak out and they suggested that I get the exterminator to just put ant death just in my room, which I'm considering. I think we're going to revisit ant control methods (aka whether we should have the exterminator come out and kill them) at our house meeting on Sunday, too.

Also, Athena's Circle is having our belated Ostara feast this evening, so I'm skipping Knitting Club in order to cook. Then will probably go into Philly to meet up with N, who is making a surprise trip to PA, and possibly other BMC alums.

I'm really really really done with academia at the moment, but I don't want to leave Batten. I love Batten and the women within it; leaving will hurt.

I am so happy here, I feel like I learn so much about environmental issues and gender issues and activism from the women here. God, I wish I had lived here for longer, and I am so blindingly glad that I was able to be here for my last semester.

@#*$#$&^#$*&# to circulation desk workers who can't do their job properly. I tried to check a a couple books out last night but couldn't because I hadn't returned a recalled item, and so I came back to the library today to return the book and check out my new books. However, one of my books was still (24 hours later! AAUUUUUGH) sitting out on the circulation desk - rather than the hold shelf, where it should have been - and the other book was nowhere to be found. Turns out, someone had freaking stamped it as Returned and put it back on the shelf to be sent back to UPenn, or wherever the book came from.

So freaking pissed off. I wish people would learn how to actually do their job.

Also, we've been talking about traditional spell work at Athena's Circle lately. L brought in handouts about euphoria spells and protection spells tonight, and regarding the protection spells first talked about how, if attacked, one should aim for the groin/just below the knee-cap. Or gouge one's eyes. Or bite off one's nose. Ow.

She then talked about Witch bottles, which I've read about before and think sound kind of nifty.

I have a new iPod. My precious new iPod that is never EVER leaving my side from now on. I want to knit an iPod cozy, because although I did buy a cheap cover from Amazon, I don't think it'll arrive before I leave for Charleston for spring break.

I'll be leaving on Sunday, working with Habitat for Humanity with a group from the Bi-Co. Met them on Wednesday - three were these really giggly flirty made-up Haverford women, who are precisely the type of women I went to Bryn Mawr to avoid, but meh. They'll may very well be nice. There's only one guy - who was also the only vegetarian - and then five other people who I don't know.

We apparently get about $600 for the 10 of us for food for the week, so we're going to need to work out how we're going to organize meals. We get lunch provided for us, actually, although I will most likely to need to bring mine as they're donated, and thus there's not a lot of say about what goes into them.

Sometimes it's weird to realize I'm now "the vegan" with the strange eating habits.

Strangely, I actually really really like how Batten uses selective flushing. (The slogan is - If it's yellow let it mellow, if it's brown flush it down.) We don't actually need to flush the toilet every time.

I actually even like how J has put up signs on the showers saying "2.5 gallons per minute * x minutes = ____ gallons of water used", as it reminds me to take shorter showers, which is something I was sort of dreading before coming to Batten.

(That said, I still run my fan at night while sleeping for the white noise. And I typically don't unplug my appliances when they're not being used. And I dry my clothing rather than hang it on a clothes rack, although that's at least partially because I tend to do my laundry at 4 am when I need it the morning. Baby steps.)

Currently eying craigslist again, and looking up collectives in Philly. Somewhat interested in this for the summer, although it'd be more of hassle than just living on campus. Still...living at Batten is wonderful, I would be very happy to continue this type of living environment, and dear lord I do not want to have to pay for the godawful meal plan that BMC provides over the summer.

ETA: Emailed them. Not sure about the commute, but most of the people with whom I'm friends are going to have housing off campus over the summer, so it's not like I'd miss hanging out with them in the dorms, and I heard from someone today that the summer meal plan is mandatory if you get BMC housing.

W drove up to visit me on Saturday, and we went in to Philly. Walked around South Street - we went into some CD stores and a knitting store that I'd walked by many times but had never actually visited, and then ended up killing time at a coffee shop until our dinner reservation at Horizons. Oh my god. It was amazing - I think it was a little heavy on the sauces and light on the vegetables, but the portions were huge, the food was delicious, and everything was presented beautifully. I had the Portabello Mushroom Carpaccio for appetizers, Grilled Seitan, a Mojito, and split a portion of creme brulee with W for dessert.

Seriously, it was so. freaking. good. W (who's vegetarian) and I enjoyed having so many options available to us, rather than having to choose the only vegetarian/vegan option on the menu. I have to go back again. It was just bliss. They were booked solid, too - W tried calling to see if we could get a slightly earlier reservation, as we were bored with South Street, but they didn't have space.

Currently moping because I lost my iPod last night, somewhere between leaving work and Rock Trials. Have called Public Safety and asked at the library circulation desk, to no avail. The next step is to start papering the campus with "Missing" signs...

It's Hell Week!

Batten had our trials tonight. Since we're all upperclasswomen, it's run a little differently from the other dorms in that everyone - all 10 of us - is tried. J tried me for having 500 pounds of yarn and for being a cupcake-making queen (I made cupcakes tonight, which went over very well). My punishment is to make cupcakes for the rest of Batten during Hell Week. Not really a hardship, although I doubt I'm going to have time to make them until Sunday at the earliest.

I tried K for being so healthy that she's going to live to 105. S and I went into her room while she was out (....yeah, we are bad people) and I retrieved her weights and her 2 yoga mats. Her punishment is to demonstrate favorite yoga poses to Battenites tomorrow (today) whenever she sees them.

We had some bedtime stories too - I read Pigs, which is cute.

I love Hell Week so much. It was also really nice to have that bonding experience with the rest of Batten. Currently feeling very loved, very close. Not usually the case, but it's nice while it lasts.

(I love my classes less. Also, my Soc class prof is requiring that we all talk in class, which I am decidedly less than thrilled about. Blargh.)

I really need to procrastinate less and do my finals earlier. Only one more to go, but I'm exhausted. Red Bull has done a significantly better job than coffee in keeping me awake; I've eaten breakfast two days in a row (this probably hasn't happened since freshman year) due to strange sleep patterns, and coffee just makes me more tired.

Red Bull, on the other hand, does not. I just have to find the balance between "awake" and "my heart is starting to pound unnaturally from too much caffeine".

I worked for an hour at the desk at the library today; the return bin is currently a never-emptying pit. Everyone and their mother is returning stacks of books (myself included, so I shouldn't really complain), and so working at the desk was a little crazed.

Also, E was wonderful and helped me move most of my stuff into Batten this afternoon.

I am doooomed! Doomeeed! Auuuuugh I hate presentations, and I especially hate them when I'm not really sure what point I'm trying to make. Doom, I tell you.

I would like to work at Canaday over the summer, but doing so would involve finding housing. I don't know if I could get housing through the college since I would be an alum, and thus I might need to actually get housing off-campus, which is potentially pricier and involves sorting through all the creepy ads on craigslist. I just want cheap housing that doesn't come attached with military guys who like to clean their guns while naked and blindfolded (sadly, I didn't make this up) or 40 year old men who want a young female to rent a bedroom and must provide pictures in the application (ditto), is that too much to ask? ::sigh:: C thinks she might be able to get free housing via house-sitting for a friend's parents, but she is being all "it's my free housing not yours" and refuses to share. Alas.

harder than flesh

you know the flesh is easy. it's the rest
that's hard -- the balance of identity / society
/ morals / desire

: the thrumming behind your knees
that lingers days after you leave him
at the airport, nightly phonecalls
only sharpening the ache

: the edgy scent of a dark woman's
perfume, the recognition
you could take a new lover.

every mouth, every bloodletting, every
blistering failure and unearned success
gave you something you need here

so you will choose -- now.
in the instant of decision.
with her rapidly walking away.
knowing that to be one is simpler
than to be two, that those
who desire both, all, even together,
live in the liminal spaces
outside the comfort of labels
and limits

knowing you are too many
for the minimization, too broad
for the boxes

: could call yourself gay
except the man perched in the lobby
of your heart has grown essential
to your breathing

: could call yourself straight
except the woman in the fourth row
has a collarbone that makes your lips quiver

so you will choose.

when the man in the pickup yells
DYKE and your arms circles tighter
the waist of the woman
not yet your lover

when the gorgeous butch at the bar says
so what are you? and you know
what honesty will cost you

when the voices in your gut insist the words
you have raised instead of children
will never outlast your brief tenure
in the spotlight

when you know you could never be enough for all
you would die for
and keep fighting anyway

you will choose

knowing morning is not optional
but waking is bravery

knowing the man in the pickup has a cousin
gathering the courage to come out
and she will hear you speak
two Mondays from now
and her chin will rise a bit

knowing all you can do
to get through this day
without running into the woods
or rush hour traffic is choose

what connects your gut to your spine to your heart

refusing to sacrifice any facet of your sexuality
on the altar of any cause, wearing the proof
of your life in the price your loud pen will exact

knowing this life is an argument with darkness : a battle
to believe that morning holds something
worth waking for : something harder
than flesh

~ Marty McConnell